


Knitting, because it is illegal to stab people

by Samari1



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Banner & Clint Barton Friendship, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint Barton has panic attacks, Deaf Clint Barton, Explicit Language, Knitting is therapy, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha is making bets again, Protective Natasha Romanov, Sam Wilson means well, Steve Rogers means well, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26970988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samari1/pseuds/Samari1
Summary: James takes up an alternate form of therapy.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 12
Kudos: 86





	Knitting, because it is illegal to stab people

—**—

James knew his new hobby/therapy had raised a few eyebrows, but fuck ‘em. Sam had shown him the proof that knitting was damn good therapy and even that it had been used during the war in the UK for soldiers with ‘battle shock’ or ‘combat fatigue’; what they now called PTSD. He didn’t care if Tony made jokes about it being for little old ladies and asking if he was going to join a knitting group. It worked, damn it. That was all he cared about. Steve and Sam had assured him that Tony was joking, not trying to be an ass. James liked knitting. Liked the way it levelled out all his anxieties. 

Steve wore that first damn scarf he’d made so much that he was worried it would need mending. James knew Steve did it as a way to say ‘I’m happy you’re getting better’ without having to embarrass either of them by saying the actual words. It worked for them. 

Bruce had grinned, the quiet man clearly delighted over the coffee mug cozy and coaster (bright purple of course) that James had left in his lab late one night. He’d not meant to start gifting people, but someone (he hadn’t caught them yet) kept leaving baskets of all different colors and weights of wool outside his apartment door. Jarvis refused to say who it was and he sort of suspected Natalia since she had a way of striking fear in even the most fearless when she wanted to. 

Natalia had scowled, but it was her ‘trying not to break her façade of cool indifference’ scowl, when he’d left a shawl outside her door. It had taken forever, only because he’d found it fucking amusing that there was spider shaped lace patterns. She’d brought him a box of pastries the next day. He didn’t need a thank you, but took it in the spirit in which she’d meant it. Plus, pastries! 

Sam had grinned, taking the grey and red watch cap and plopped it in on his head happily. Of course, there had been a somewhat uncomfortable conversation about therapy and did he want to join in on any of the veterans groups, but Sam was usually good about not pressuring him. He wasn’t a joiner, not these days. Maybe someday he would be again. It just wouldn’t be anytime soon. 

He’d found a website about all things knitting and crocheting and it was fucking amazing! There were enough patterns there to keep his hands (and mind) busy for damn years. So, he would pick some new stitch or technique when his mind wouldn’t shut off or the panic started to rise and just go for it. So many things had to be re-started (or frogged, but he had learnt not to use that phrase or endure another round of teasing), but James didn’t mind. 

He was hiding in his apartment, working on the next gift he had planned and hoped no one interrupted him. This one he couldn’t leave out in the open. Besides, the recipient would enjoy it more if it was hidden - like a game. He’d not missed the side eyes he was getting from Clint. It was just that the other man was so self contained that James didn’t quite know how to approach him. Natalia swore they’d get along great and probably give her headaches with their antics, if they actually spoke to one another.

It was just that he recognized the wariness in the tall and lanky blond, whose bright blue eyes missed nothing. There was something there, something that had him treading cautiously. Clint moved even more quietly than he or Natalia did. There were times James swore Clint snuck up on people just to see how close he could get before he was noticed. Well, everyone but Bruce. More than once, he’d come across the two of them, Bruce reading and Clint curled up with some sort of comic; co-existing in the same room but not interacting. The one time the Avengers had rolled out since his arrival, he’d watched footage and nearly laughed at Bruce’s Hulk scooping Clint up and setting the blond on his shoulder as if giving him a better angle and protecting him at the same time. Clint had laughed and patted Hulk on the head as if saying ‘thank you, Big Guy’. It had explained a lot about both men.

He was almost done with the very soft blanket and he needed to figure out exactly where and how to hide it. Clint noticed fucking everything and so it would be more difficult to hide the gift than it had been to make it. Of course, he could enlist Natalia’s aid, but that wouldn’t be as much fun. Then, he nearly smacked himself in the face for being stupid and not thinking of the perfect place to leave it. He knew, thanks to Steve’s extensive tour when he first arrived, that Clint had a small archery range/training area up near the party deck. That just left the problem of how to hide the blanket and not get caught. 

James grinned when he finished the blanket. He would hide it away where Steve wouldn’t question him on it until he figured out how to get it onto the archery range. 

—**—

Clint was all out of sorts. Kinda the story of his life. Steve and Sam were on some sort of new campaign to make team meals a regular thing. Ugh. No. Just no. Steve tended to frown and give him those pitying looks when Clint turned his aids off. Sam just sighed and left pamphlets in the foyer area of his apartment about group therapy or lists of therapists. Again, ugh, no. He knew he was broken, thank you very fucking much. No need to drive that shit home with therapy. 

Nat had been called out by Coulson to do something for the new, secret S.H.I.E.L.D. and he hated that he was offended that both of them hadn’t been needed. He’d driven her to the meeting, hating that she would be going out without him watching her back. Damn it. He knew it was because Coulson wasn’t keen on the other Avengers knowing the agency was back up and running, but it didn’t stop the feeling.

He shoved open the doors to his area in the Tower, wanting privacy and distraction. He stopped dead in his tracks, jaw falling open in shock. He scanned the area, relaxing when he didn’t spot anyone in his space. Not that James had actually invaded, just stepped inside, clearly. He grinned once the door was closed and he was assured that he was alone. Awww, feelings, no. He picked the basket up, petting the purple blanket with his free hand. 

Nat kept telling him that he’d like James, but the man had only been in the Tower three months. That wasn’t long enough for it to be a new normal for him. Besides, he was Steve’s friend. Steve’s gorgeous friend. Damn. No. That way lies madness, he reminded himself. 

So, he set the basket on the table he’d set up for laying out his gear and sighed. He should ignore it. But, purple and squishy blanket. Damn it. The man couldn’t have picked a better thing for him. It had been dumb to be sad that he’d been left out of the gift giving James had been doing. Tony was the only other one that hadn’t been gifted some cool, handknitted gift. Tony who didn’t know when to stop teasing people and had clearly pissed James off with his so-called jokes and teasing. He’d tried watching, to see if he could figure out what he’d done wrong, but there didn’t seem to be anything. 

Apparently, he’d not actually done anything wrong. He felt a bit better knowing that. If he’d done something wrong, there was no way James would have spent the time to make this big blanket for him. Right? 

Clint carefully pulled the blanket out and laid it across the table so he could see all of it. 

“Aaaaaawwwwww,” he murmured, petting the arrow shapes just like the one on his Avengers suit. It was so soft. He had a weakness for soft and squishy things. Especially when he was out of sorts. He didn’t even have to think about cuddling the blanket and climbing up to his little perch, curling up under it and taking a nap. 

Everything would seem better after a nap.

\--**--

James didn’t mean to startle Clint, really he didn’t. He’d been going to the communal kitchen for a late night snack and had been groggy, but unable to sleep. The main room with the huge television was usually empty this time of night. He stopped mid-step hating that he’d been the cause of the startled look in Clint’s eyes. “Sorry.”

Clint blinked from his sprawl on the couch, the blanket James had made pulled up almost to his nose. Without a word, the blond shifted and curled up on one end of the couch and went back to watching the television. The television he realized was playing some cartoon with subtitles and no volume. 

It was a clear invitation. 

James smiled, grabbing his snack and sitting on the other end of the couch. Clint reached out, turning the volume up and restarting the show; then was back under the blanket a moment later. He was trying to figure out what in the world Clint was watching. He didn’t make it through the theme song before he was snickering. It looked hilarious. Superhero kung fu dog. Somehow it worked. He only moved to set his plate and cup on the coffee table and then he settled in, happy to watch old cartoons instead of staring at the walls. 

He didn't mind not talking. In fact, it was rather nice. After two episodes, he was beginning to really understand why Clint and Bruce did the reading thing. He wondered if Clint and Natalia had a routine like this, and if so, what it was. 

Pushing away all thoughts but following along with the show, James focused back on the television. 

He fell asleep at some point, relaxed and content. 

\--**--

Clint waited until James was asleep to turn his aids off. He wasn’t sure if turning the tv volume off would wake James and he didn’t want to disturb the other man. It had been two days since he found the blanket and he’d been trying to find the right time to say thank you. Steve or Sam always seemed to be around though. It was private. Maybe the past couple of hours would count? He hoped so. Words were hard. They always came out wrong with anyone other than Nat. If it didn’t, he could always make another basket of wools and leave it on James’ doorstep. It was fun, going to the knitting shop he’d found in Queens. The ladies in the shop didn’t mind him petting and smooshing and in general having a blast picking out things. They just smiled and handed him a basket, letting him wander and not doing that thing where they bugged you every two minutes. Huh. Maybe he would visit the shop again, just for the relaxing factor. He couldn’t be selfish this time, so no purples. 

He switched shows, careful not to make any noise, no matter how funny the old cartoons were. James clearly needed sleep and it made him happy to have helped with that. He got the not sleeping thing, it was why he’d come down to the bigger tv with bigger subtitles. Jarvis would probably fix the ones in his apartment, but that would mean admitting he couldn’t figure out how to do it himself. Clint was determined to figure it out at some point, without help. It was the principle of the whole thing.

He started to fall asleep around dawn. He knew better than to sleep here. The one time he had, well that was what started Sam on the path of suggesting therapy. Ugh. Nope. Pushing himself to stay awake, Clint tried to convince himself he needed to get up and make coffee. It didn’t work.

He blinked, surfacing at the feel of the light hand running up and down his arm. Nat, his mind reminded him, no danger. Rubbing a hand over his eyes, Clint smiled at her. She smiled back, signing: ‘James is still asleep, shhh.’

He nodded, carefully working his hands out of the blanket. ‘Thank you.’

Her smile was that soft, almost gentle one only he saw. ‘Go up and shower. I have pastries and will start the coffee.’

He knew, even this groggy, that she was taking care with him in her own way. Just like he did for her. It was okay for them, it wasn’t for anyone else. ‘Wake him so no one bothers him about it?’

She grinned. ‘Yes, now go on. Jarvis will make sure you get to your apartment.’

He blushed, uncurling himself and taking his now neatly folded blanket from Nat. He’d fallen asleep in his archery safe space one time and tried to go to his apartment, only to hit the wrong floor button. Jarvis hadn’t said anything since he’d picked Nat’s floor. Clint had been too sleepy to do more than curl up on her couch. She teased him, but it was okay because it was her way of saying he could do that anytime. No one else was allowed in her space. Just like no one else was allowed in his. Clint sleepily eyed James as he stumbled to the elevator. Okay, maybe one other person might, someday, be allowed. He’d have to think about it when he was more awake. Coffee. He needed coffee.

—**—

James had been awake since just before Natalia arrived. He’d not moved or even fully opened his eyes though. Not when he awoke to realize that not only had he fallen asleep with someone else in the room, but that he had slept for almost five hours. It was a new, post-Hydra record. He had been contemplating coffee when she silently entered the room and went directly to the sleeping blond. 

If there had been a way to leave without making it awkward, he would have. He just knew that no one else saw the two of them like this. Steve had said they were best friends and sometimes it was best to leave them to it, that they didn’t like to join in on group things. Steve got it, but also didn’t. It was okay though because James understood. He had noticed, during those first couple of weeks where he watched everyone (even sometimes Steve) a bit warily, how the Avengers worked or didn’t with one another. 

So, he tried not to watch and be patient so he could go. Natalia was a soothing presence, just not in the same contained and comforting way Clint was. Clint, he was soothing in a way … well he was still puzzling it all out. Safe and comforting and yet, there was something else. Something James really wanted to figure out. Other than fucking gorgeous and adorable and all the things he kept trying to tell himself couldn’t matter right now. Not yet, but maybe someday.

It felt different with her here. Safe, of fucking course, but not that easy, soothing feeling that had allowed him to sleep. Not that she wasn’t one of the easiest people to be around, because she was. At least for him. Tony was the most difficult. He was so energetic and chaotic that James had to just get away sometimes. Steve was a soothing presence, most of the time but in a Steve-like way that was still overwhelming sometimes. Sam was calm and yet, something about him scraped at James' nerves in a way that wasn’t comfortable. Though, that was probably the whole “therapy is awesome” angle Sam liked to go on about. Bruce, he just relaxed a person by being in the same room. It was weird, he knew, to think of people that way. But, it was the only way he could explain it, even to himself. 

The elevator doors closed behind Clint and Natalia turned, a smirk on her face. “You can stop pretending, James.”

He blinked, opening his eyes fully. “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’d best go shower and change before Steve and Sam get back from their run. Glad you got some sleep.”

He shrugged, shoving a hand through his hair. He appreciated the warning. One time, he’d fallen asleep in the small sitting area a few floors from here and Steve had been so worried about him that it had taken three days to convince him that all was okay. He got it, and appreciated Steve’s concern, it was just best dealt with in small doses. “Just meant to get food. Surprised he allowed me to stay.”

She laughed lightly, keeping her tone at a nice, quiet level. “You made him a purple blanket, James. Without judgement.” Her head tipped and she tapped at her chin. “Probably his way of thanking you. Don’t mention the blanket around the others. Tony would do his teasing thing.”

James scowled. “I get that it is his way of trying to make friends. He just needs to learn when to stop.”

“Yeah. Or he’s going to get shot one of these days.”

He chuckled. “Me, you, or Clint?”

Natalia almost smiled. “All of the above? Go, before they get back. I had pastries delivered and will start the coffee. I’ll have it all ready by the time you and Clint get back down here.” She was up and to the elevator before he could respond. She looked back over her shoulder. “Thank you.”

He was on his feet, but froze, utterly confused. “For what?”

Her tone was as serious as her expression. “Not pushing him. He’s like us, James.”

He simply nodded. He got what she wasn’t saying. He hadn’t missed that all of the Avengers had issues - PTSD for sure, but other things too. It didn’t bother him. He also had not missed how each of them dealt with their issues. It was just that the three of them that had been (or were he wasn’t certain on their status currently) spies and assassins dealt with things differently than everyone else. It wasn’t the only thing he was finding out he enjoyed about Clint, but it was a small part. 

She was gone a second later and he hurried to the stairs, knowing that he was less likely to run into anyone that way. He would go back for pastries and coffee, trusting Natalia that it wouldn’t be an imposition to their routine for him to be there. 

—**—

Clint eyed Sam, all but biting his tongue. In the two weeks since he’d been gifted his blanket, he and James had managed to watch Hong Kong Phooey or old school Scooby Doo every night. It was fun. It was a thank you too. He was sleeping better and could see that James was too. But, it wasn’t something he wanted talked about, especially around Sam. 

“I have been sleeping better,” James said in a patient, yet simmering with frustration tone Clint recognized. 

Ugh. Sam meant well. He really did. He was a good guy. But, he wasn't seeing what Clint was. James was reaching the end of his patience. It might be wrong of him, but grrr. “Leave him alone, Sam. Can’t you stop with the therapy crap for five damn minutes?”

Awww, wrong words, no. That was way more snarly than he’d meant. Ugh. This was why he didn’t say much. Nothing he could do about it now. Besides, he wasn’t wrong. 

Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “Didn’t even see you there, Clint. Morning. Therapy isn’t a bad thing. One of these days I’ll convince you of that.”

Clint rolled his eyes and grabbed the pot of coffee. James’ cup was full and Nat was out for her run, so he felt zero guilt in taking the whole damn thing back to his apartment. Tony had spares for just this reason. Sam could wait. Hmf. Served him right. He was halfway to the elevator when James’ voice nearly startled him. There was a vein of violence just below the ‘done with this shit’ tone. “Leave off, Sam. I've told you, group therapy crap isn’t for everyone. I know you don’t push Natalia like this. So, please, just back off.”

“I just want to help.”

Clint stepped on the elevator and Sam’s back was to him. James could see him though. He signed ‘thank you’ and nearly grinned when James replied with a ‘you’re welcome’. 

“I know you do, Sam, but -” James was saying as the doors closed.

Clint leant on the wall, testing the temperature of the coffee with his hand on he side of the pot (he had learnt the hard way not to drink it before checking. It had definitely been an Aww, pain, no moment) and deciding that it was cool enough. He drank it straight from the pot. He deserved it, damn it. He was going to curl up with a show about dogs, whichever one he came across first, and stay away from people today. Clearly, he wasn’t fit for company. 

—**—

James nearly laughed at the disgruntled glare Clint aimed at Sam before he took the entire pot of coffee. He retrieved another out of the cabinet and set about making another pot once Clint was gone, though he wasn’t sure he’d be sharing it with Sam. He might just take the whole fucking thing with him as Clint had. “I know you do, Sam, but you have got to back off. We aren’t like everyone else.”

Sam looked pained. “See, that is the problem! It doesn’t matter who you are or what job you had, therapy works.”

James sighed. He had to make Sam see in a way that wouldn’t give away too much. “Knitting works as therapy for me. I can’t do the group thing and one-on-one would mean me having to kill the therapist for spilling all sorts of secrets that are about as high security clearance as it gets.”

Sam leant on the counter, eyes wide. “Well, fuck. I hadn’t thought about that.”

James’ tone was as dry as a desert. “No really? This is my shocked face. Natalia, Clint, and I need to be off your list of people to convince that therapy is the best thing ever. Please.”

Sam ran a hand over his face. He was quiet for a long time. Finally, he sighed, looking almost defeated. “I messed up, yeah?”

“Just a bit. You were trying to help, I get it. No hard feelings, yeah?” He didn’t mention that if Sam kept it up, there would most definitely be hard feelings. Or excessive use of guns, knives, or arrows. Possibly all three. 

Sam glanced at the elevator. “I should go apologize.”

“Yeah, no. Bad idea. Just let it go.” Unless he was mistaken, if Sam showed up at Clint’s door, he’d probably come away from it with numerous wounds. He didn’t think he had read it wrong. “Don’t mention it. Literally.”

Bruce stepped off the elevator and sighed once he took in the situation. “I can go?”

“We’re done here,” James said wryly, picking up his mug and walking towards the stairwell. Bruce was nice and didn’t deserve to have to wait longer for coffee. “Coffee is about done too.”

Bruce was looking more relaxed as James all but rushed out. He’d said all that needed saying. He wasn’t sticking around for attempts at small talk. He’d hide out and look at his knitting website. Maybe gloves for Natalia that she could wear running, a little thank you, would be his next project. 

—**—

Clint dragged himself down to the main room. He’d spent all day trying not to be anxious. It had sorta worked. It helped James, the watching cartoons thing, so he wasn’t going to let his own anxiety get in the way. Or he was going to try not to. 

James was already there, curled up on his end of the couch and he had pizza.

“Ohhh, nice.”

James grinned a grin that did all sorts of funny things to Clint. But, he ignored it like he always did. It was easier that way. “Wanna help me decide something?”

Curious, Clint grabbed the coffee pot and two mugs, setting them on the coffee table. It was always a struggle to work through his anxiety and find the words he wanted to say and make them actually come out correctly, but he was trying. “With what?”

James didn’t look impatient, though it had taken longer than most people were willing to deal with for him to get those two words out. “It’s starting to get cold. Natalia needs gloves for when she runs. Right?”

Delighted, Clint grinned, sitting down near (but not too close to) James, nodding. He liked spoiling Nat. It would be fun to help James do that. James held up his tablet and there was a knitting site up. Ohhhhh, he would have to check it out. Maybe even figure out what to gift James with wool-wise from the site. He noted the username and waited, patiently, for James to show him all the things. 

—**—

James may have done a mental cheer when Clint, looking adorably excited, sat with him, not all the way at the other end of the couch. Ha. He’d known Clint would want to help. Excellent. They ate the pizza (also drank two pots of coffee) and went through so many pages of patterns before Clint pointed one out. “Those.”

James grinned, but nodded. They were flip top gloves that when the top was down, they were like mittens and would be extra warm. There was a pretty pattern he would be challenged by on the cuffs, but James knew it would be worth it. He looked again. Tiny little buttons. Hrm. Those he would have to order, not willing to go out and about just yet. Steve was still working on how to make him safe and not in prison for the things he’d been forced to do. Natalia had shown him how to order things online and she’d set up an account under the name James Romanoff for him. It had made life so much easier. Plus, it amused him she’d made his name hers. She’d laughed and said it would make it easier to set up a new identity for him if needed. He could be her brother or cousin officially. James had been delighted.

Clint pulled out his phone, tapping away and James waited to see what he was up to. Finally, Clint grinned and turned the phone so he could see. The buttons were old fashioned in a not-an-old lady way. Then he looked again and laughed. “Are those tiny spiders hidden in the design?”

It took a few minutes, but Clint finally said, slowly and deliberately, “She loves the shawl. They will match.”

“I got a whole box of bear claw pastries, so I figured she liked it.” He was grinning, not just at Clint talking to him, but the confirmation that Natalia had liked his gift so much.

Clint snickered, showing James how he ordered the buttons to be picked up the next day at a shop in the garment district. “Yes. Bribe too.”

One of his eyebrows rose. “Bribe?”

The blond nodded, blushing lightly. “She bribes.” His brow furrowed and he grumbled. It was a minute or two before he all but blurted, “Do good stuff, get gifts. Thank you’s but not?”

Ahh. Okay, he got it. “Words are hard for her too?”

Clint nodded fervently, blushing a brighter red than before. “Awww, wrong words, no.”

Fuck if Clint wasn’t he most adorable man James had ever met. He wanted to give Clint time to settle again, his nerves clear to see. Perhaps a distraction? Anything to settle the other man’s nerves and not have him retreating. “What color should these be, do you think?”

“Black. Ohhh, with pink.” Clint pointed to the cuff details and the second color of wool. “Bright.”

James saved the pattern to his queue and clicked through to the wool listings. He brought up the weight needed and clicked ‘pink’. Then he handed the tablet to Clint. “Which one?”

Clint's nose crinkled and James’ heart melted. The man was too fucking adorable for words. He could see the blond struggling and gently, because Clint was starting to matter a whole lot and you took care with the people that mattered, he suggested, “ASL? Would that help?”

Clint handed the tablet back, his hands moving almost too quick for James. ‘How do you know if it is soft or scratchy from a picture? Scratchy would be ugh. She needs soft things. Don’t tell her I said that! I’m not wrong though!’

“Your secret's safe with me. I don’t, but I can’t go out to check in a store. Not yet.”

‘I could?’ Clint ducked his head, blushing again. 

“You’d go to a knitting shop?” James wasn’t judging, not at all. It was just sort of amazing that Clint would offer. 

Clint looked away, though he nodded and then shrugged. He was tensing up and clearly getting embarrassed. James didn’t want him to be and tried to figure out why.

Oh. Ohhh. Huh, now those baskets of wool made sense. It had been Clint. Awww, his heart was totally melting. He didn’t mind though. Every time he learnt something new about Clint, James fell for him a little bit more. “I appreciate it, so much, Clint. I know Tony jokes, but knitting really does settle my mind down. Helps me focus.”

“Tony should stop.”

He didn’t know whether to grin at the fierceness or attempt to make excuses for Tony. He quickly decided that Tony was a big boy and could make all the excuses himself. So he grinned. “Yeah. If you want to, it would be great if you picked out the wools for me.”

Clint stared, wide eyed and wary. 

“I mean it. I was trying to figure out who was helping me by bringing me all the wool so I could thank them.” Clint frowned, shaking his head. That was easy to translate. “Even if a thank you isn’t needed. Ohh,” he clicked through the site and turned the tablet so Clint could see the gloves he’d found. “They have your arrows. Would it be okay if I made them for you? A not a thank you?”

If he had been falling for Clint before, he landed with a splat at the look of utter delight. A tentative nod later, Clint was signing again: ‘There is this shop in Queens. The ladies are nice there. Don’t bother you. Make a list?’

“I can do that. Now, what are we watching tonight?” James could tell that Clint was still on edge, so he shifted his thoughts away from knitting and to what would settle Clint, rather than him. He was mostly relaxed and happy. If he could help settle the blond, he would be completely relaxed. 

Clint smiled shyly, picking up the remote and finding the classic cartoon channel. He stopped on something called Huckleberry Hound. “Okay?”

“I have no idea what that is, but I’m willing to try it.”

Clint's grin settled James a bit more. He laughed more in the next couple of hours he had, well he couldn’t quite remember, but it had been a long time. Clint fell asleep right where he was, not retreating to the other end of the couch, and James drifted off not long after. 

—**—

Clint risked the front doors, the urge to get out of crowds and away from people almost overwhelming. The ladies at the shop had helped him find all the things on James’ list, but in their nice way. But, the subway had been packed as had the sidewalks. Too much of everything. Hidden away in his backpack was all the stuff he’d bought, mostly because he didn’t want anyone being nosey. He couldn’t turn his aids off until he was out of the main areas. If he did and Steve saw, he’d get one of those looks that Steve probably didn’t think was condescendingly pitying, but that Clint took to be every single time. It was him, not Steve that was the problem. It was still an issue though. Ugh.

“Ohh there you are!”

Clint nearly groaned. Damn it. He looked up.

Steve leant over the railing. “I ordered lunch for everyone. Come on up.”

He knew he should have ducked in the parking garage. Damn it. Fuck. Trudging over to the elevator, Clint braced himself for forced human interaction despite his nerves being raw. He had to though. He was lucky that they’d let him stay an Avenger after Loki mind-fucked him. Plus, Steve was still sore about what Fury had been up to and he worried that Steve would insist he and Nat were off the team because they’d known and not told him. That was why he had been so quiet, almost hiding away. Living here helped with the staying an Avenger thing, Clint knew it did. Nat knew too. But, neither of them were really treated like full team members most days. At least, to him it didn’t feel like it. 

He set the backpack under the table when he reached the communal kitchen. Maybe he could eat fast and go? It showed he was making an effort by being here, right? He took the wrapped sandwich from Steve with a nod of thanks. This shop had an amazing hoagie that was like a pizza and he always ordered it when they did these group meal things. Yay! Then he unwrapped it and his eyes nearly bugged out. What the fresh hell was this?! It was some sort of wrap, not a nice yummy hoagie and there was nothing but vegetables on it. Including avocados. Ewww, no. Just no. 

“Tony and I were talking,” Steve said in that genial way he had, the one that made it difficult for anyone to contradict him. “We decided everyone needed to try and eat a bit healthier. Sam and I also set up a training schedule. We need to be ready when we get the next call.”

“Uhhh why?” Nat snipped. “Surely we are all adults here and can pick our own food.”

Clint shifted nervously in his seat. This, right here, had been what he was worried about. He desperately wanted to flee. He couldn’t though. He could feel his anxiety ratcheting up. Damn it.

“Steve,” James said patiently, “I get what you were trying here. Really, appreciate the idea.” James poked at his own pile of vegetables pretending to be a sandwich. “Maybe talking about things first would be wise?”

Steve still had that sunny smile. “Aww, thanks, Buck. I just saw how everyone kind of does their own thing and decided to surprise everyone.”

Clint did not like surprises. Did. Not. Like. Not one bit. He gripped the edges of the seat, trying to push down the panic. The food thing was easy enough to work around, but what the fuck was Steve on about a training schedule?! He trained, every fucking day, thank you so fucking much. So did Nat. 

“Sam and I,” Steve paused, a little nod to Nat, “and sometimes Natasha, have a set workout routine. No one else does.”

Clint had heard enough. Nat worked her fucking ass off right beside him, daily. His months of control finally snapped. “Just because you don’t notice, doesn’t mean we don’t.”

“Sleeping until noon everyday isn’t a workout routine,” Tony interjected in that he he he, I’m causing chaos tone of his. “I know, I’ve tried that one.”

Clint had heard enough. He couldn’t. Not any longer. He shoved his chair back and stood, shaking with anxiety and anger and a million other things he couldn’t think about and function daily so he pushed them away. “Nat and I signed on as Avengers before you, Cap! Fury told us about it years ago and we trained and worked and trained more so if we were needed, we were ready! We train. Every fucking day! Nat is up before you, doing a ten fucking mile run. So, fire me if you think you have the authority. Fuck it. Just fuck it.”

He slammed out of the room, not wanting to deal any longer, he couldn’t. He needed his space, well until he was kicked out and told he wasn’t worthy of being an Avenger anymore. Coulson would just have to give him more assignments if that happened. He didn’t do well without work to focus on.

He slammed into his apartment and stripped down, pulling on comfortable pyjama pants and a hoodie. He made his way to his secret safe spot, clutching the blanket James had made for him. He curled up under the blanket and finally allowed himself to cry. No one would find him here. 

—**—

James was glad he only had three knives on his person. Had he been carrying a gun, he actually might have shot Steve and Tony. “Are you two happy now?”

Natalia had been out of the room like a shot, only after she’d told Steve, Sam, and Tony exactly what they could do with their ideas. Most had been physically impossible, but he would bet on Natalia making them work if she was motivated enough. It was good that she was going after Clint. He wanted to. He just wasn’t sure if Clint would accept his help or not. They were still feeling each other out and while James could admit he was in love with Clint, he knew Clint wasn’t there yet. May never be. So, no matter how much his heart hurt, he would stay here and try to help in this way. 

“I don’t understand,” Bruce interjected, his skin a green tinge and his voice somewhere between shaky and enraged. “Why do you poke at Clint? I like him and the Big Guy wants to Hulk Smash you for upsetting him.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I was teasing him. He knows that.”

James glared. Tony, wisely, took a step back. “He hates it. Absolutely, positively hates your so-called teasing. He’s not the only one. So knock it the fuck off.” He turned to glare at Steve and a very sheepish Sam. “I get that you two were trying to do a good thing. Really, I do. But, this is one of those things, Steve … the ones that we talked about.”

Steve looked chagrined. “I did it again, didn’t I?”

James smiled, masking his deep rage or at least he hoped so. “You want to make things better, for everyone. None of us fault you for that. I appreciate how you want to make things easier for me. For everyone. This wasn’t the way.”

“But,” Sam muttered, clearly confused, “when does Clint train and where?”

Tony looked sheepish now. “I - uh - did none of you notice his area near the party deck? We spent a month planning and outfitting it. His only rule is simple: stay the fuck out. But, damn, I would have thought someone would notice.”

“I did,” Bruce said with a shrug. “Asked about it too. He showed me. Didn’t let me past the door, but it was enough to see it was Olympic athlete level stuff.”

James sighed heavily. “Steve, you pointed it out to me on that tour of the building you gave me.”

Steve winced. “I did. I forgot about it. I never see him use it so I figured it was a waste of space. I shouldn’t have. I was wrong.”

“Yeah, you were.”

“Did he really say he thought I’d fire him as an Avenger?”

Tony looked a bit unsettled. “Yeah, he did. And before you ask, yes he was correct. Fury had rostered him and Natasha on the Avengers Initiative years ago. Their training records were impressive. Bruce wasn’t wrong about the Olympic athlete thing. Clint could kick the asses of most Olympic athletes in many different sports, not just archery. Natasha is the same. I thought we all knew this?”

Steve looked greener than Bruce in his Hulk form. “I screwed up.”

James got to his feet after reaching over to get Clint’s backpack. “I’m going. The three of you, well, let’s just say I watch. Have been watching. You need to pull your heads out of your asses. Bruce, you and the Big Guy doing okay?”

Bruce shrugged, as if he wasn’t sure himself. “I’m going to the lab. That should settle us both. Clint has always been kind to me. To us. Hulk is annoyed. Very annoyed. He calls Clint ‘Tiny Arrow Man’ and he isn’t pleased anyone upset his friend.”

James didn’t bother saying anything else. He’d checked on Clint’s friend. The backpack could go in his apartment until he could return it. He just hoped Natalia could find and settle Clint. 

—**—

“James was telling them off when I left.”

Clint looked up, perplexed. How the fuck had Nat found him? Never mind. Because she was Nat. He shifted, so she could curl up with him if she wanted to. She brushed the last few tears off of his face. Words were even harder when he was so anxious, even with Nat. But, at least the panic attack had finally stopped. “Angry.”

“Yeah, all three of us were. Cuddles okay?”

He nodded, opening his arms so she could curl up against his chest. The spot, hidden up in the rafters of his training area, was his most safe space. It was piled with squishy blankets and stuffed animals and pillows. He only came here when he was really, really upset. She pulled a wrapped cookie and a bottle of water out of her hoodie pocket. “I cuddle you whilst you eat and drink. You know you need to.”

It would be dumb to argue especially when she was right. So, Clint took both things and set the water bottle down in the blankets.

She settled in his lap and eyed him until the cookie and water were both gone. “No one is going to fire you.”

He blushed, shrugging and picking at the edge of one of the blankets. Not the one James made him, but one of the others. It hadn’t felt that way. It felt like he’d been one wrong step away for months now - from not being what he had wanted to be since he was a kid. A hero, a real one. Official and everything. So much was gone already. At least officially. He couldn’t lose this. 

“Not happening. If anyone tries, I’ll shoot them. Problem solved.”

He nearly laughed. That was her solution to most problems. Shoot first, figure out alibis or reasonings later. 

“Aids off and out. Rest your ears. I’ll stay right here as long as you want me to.”

He didn’t object, handing his aids over and wrapping himself up again in the blanket. He did snicker when she held up her phone to show him a picture of a cat wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito. He scowled playfully.

“I couldn’t find one with a dog. I know you like them more than cats.”

He huffed, but decided that a nap was best. He always felt exhausted when his anxiety overwhelmed him. He was safe, doubly so since Nat was here. 

—**—

It had been three days. James’ nerves were raw. 

Natalia had texted him the first day to say Clint was fine, just not up for any people. She’d added that Clint wanted her to tell James he was sorry for missing out on their tv shows though. He had, of fucking course, replied that he totally understood and that they could catch up later.

The second day, Clint had texted, apologizing again. James had replied that it was okay, that he understood needing to get away. Later, James had texted again, saying that he had Clint’s backpack and was keeping it safe for him and did he need anything. Clint’s reply had been instructing him to open the backpack. So he did and nearly melted all over again. It was nearly bursting with things from that knitting shop (and the buttons too!). He had understood even better at that point. Clint had been out all over the city and then came back to the mess of a lunch. No wonder he was staying away from people. James hadn’t missed the two days of staying out of the common areas Clint had done after the Avengers fight. He hated thinking about how long it would take for Clint to be comfortable in the common spaces again. His text was a thank you and a check in all at once. Of course, Clint had said no thank you was needed. That he’d had fun.

He was pouring himself a coffee in the communal kitchen and trying to decide what he wanted for a late lunch/ early dinner when his phone vibrated. He fished it out of his hoodie pocket and nearly dropped his coffee. It was a text from Clint: Pizza? Nat’s apartment? Twenty minutes?

His reply was sent as fast as he could type it. Of course. Anything you need me to bring?

Cake?

He laughed. Steve had been leaving cupcakes in the communal kitchen for three days now. No one had missed Clint’s love of cake. It was clearly an olive branch. He took the day's offerings and made his way up to his apartment. He was going to hide out until it was time to go to Natalia’s apartment. That way no one could question him like Steve, Sam, and even Tony had been. Suddenly, he was supposed to be the font of information in regards to Clint. It would be amusing, if it wasn’t so annoying. He also knew it was because Natalia was with Clint, though he wasn’t sure if the three of them dared question her after her rather impressive threats. By the end of it, he wasn’t even sure Natalia had been thinking about what she was saying. 

He waited until the last possible minute before taking the cupcakes and heading to the elevator. It took less than half a minute before he was stepping off and he was surprised to see the door cracked open. Warily, he edged forward, peeking in. He nearly laughed. He was probably more surprised than he should have been to see not only a hammock suspended from the ceiling over near the windows, but an aerial silk and hoop too. Her ceiling was higher than the one in his or Steve’s apartments. He wondered if that had been Tony’s idea or hers. He was betting hers. 

He set the cupcakes down and went back to close the door. He turned back, grinning. “I take it this is usual?”

Natalia laughed lightly, swinging the hoop. “Pizza is in the oven to keep it warm. We’ll be down in a minute.”

Clint rolled out of his hammock, flipping and landing on his feet. “Sorry.”

James rolled his eyes. “I do hope you aren’t apologizing for ripping into them, because I did too. If you meant missing the television watching, we can make up for it, right?”

Clint, looking far better than he had three days ago, grinned and nodded, already heading towards the kitchen. He stopped, peeking in the bakery box. “Ohhh, cupcakes!”

“Steve has been leaving a box of them in the communal kitchen every day. I think they are supposed to be an apology.”

Clint huffed, but made three plates of pizza, handing one across the counter to James. “Nat, get down or I eat your share.”

She slid down the silks attached to the hoop, smiling wryly. “We both know better.”

Clint snickered, grabbing cups and pouring coffees. “Got you moving.”

James was gobsmacked. He’d known the invitation was a Very Big Deal, he just hadn’t understood exactly how much. Clint sounded so fucking comfortable and relaxed; not taking as long to say things and the wariness wasn’t as present. It settled him in a way he’d not known he needed. James hadn’t realized just how unsettled he’d been. Clint eyed him. “Happy?”

“Yeah.” James meant it too. He was really fucking happy, right here in this moment. “Very much so.”

—**—

Clint hadn’t understood Nat’s frustration. Not until he’d taken her suggestion and invited James to have dinner with them. He had still been twitchy, until James had stepped into Nat’s apartment. She’d been right. He should know better than to question her. She’d been saying since yesterday morning that he should ask James to join them, that James would understand and help settle him fully. Clint knew he would, it had just been something he had to think through. It wasn’t easy letting people close. Everyone but Nat left. It was just how it went for him.

He was really glad that he’d pushed himself to send that first text. Their back and forth had been what had really settled him yesterday, and that was why he’d sent the text earlier. He just wished he knew what to do or say. This was a different sort of anxiety than his usual. James looking all pleased and saying he was happy managed to twist his tongue up all over again. Damn it. Clint took a deep breath and reminded himself that he could find James attractive and also manage to talk. Ha! Yeah, right. 

Nat, bless her, smiled brightly. It was her private smile and he knew she trusted James with him because of it. Nat didn’t even trust the other Avengers totally. Especially not when his health and well-being was on the line. Her lips twitched. “Eat or I’ll think both of you are ill.”

Clint chuckled and did as instructed. They ate in a peaceful silence. Nat put her plate in the sink and then poked him in the ribs. “Owww, Nat, no!”

“Nat, yes,” she replied, snickering. “I say we do one of those things on our list. Bet that James will have fun.”

He blinked. She wasn’t serious, was she? He was suspicious. “Which?”

Her eyes sparkling with mischief, Nat just shrugged. “We’re only about ten floors up, maybe fifteen. I still say I‘m faster than you. I’d like to see how fast James is.”

“What exactly are you two talking about?” James just looked curious. “I’m not agreeing to anything without details.”

Clint grinned, already planning out how to manage a little contest. They had the ropes and gear, of course. “How about from my apartment to yours, Nat?” He smiled at James. “Rappelling.”

James pursed his lips and finally nodded. “With proper gear. You realize that this will likely give the rest heart attacks, right?”

Clint snickered, bouncing with energy and at the sheer fun it would be. “Yeah. Hmf, so what? Ohh, text Bruce, Nat.”

Nat grabbed her phone. “I’ll let him know. He won’t tell and won’t get upset and worried if he sees us.”

“Jarvis too,” James suggested wryly. “That way building security doesn’t think we’re being attacked.”

“Jarvis?” Clint called out.

“Yes, Agent Barton?”

“Alert building security and no one else that we’ll be training on the side of the building. Please.” Huh, he’d managed to say it and not stumble over his words. Nice. Maybe, just maybe he could do this? Would it be okay to try? James was here, with them, and said he was happy about it. Maybe trying was okay? 

“Shall I warn Doctor Banner?” Jarvis said in that too sassy for an AI tone of his.

“Nat already did,” he said with a snicker. 

“They have been warned.”

“Thank you, Jarvis,” Nat replied cheerily. 

Clint tried to talk to James, frustrated with himself when he got all flustered again. Damn it. He took a deep breath and pushed himself, concentrating on exactly what he wanted to say. “Climbing clothes?”

James tipped his head, then shook it a minute or so later. “I can do it in combat boots though. I’m more concerned with hiding my arm. Just in case anyone takes pictures.”

Clint grinned, darting into the spare bedroom where Nat kept some of his clothes and stuff. There were hoodies here somewhere that had cool thumb holes. He liked them, especially when he was extra anxious, so Nat had made sure he had lots of them. They had extra gloves, so James could definitely hide his bionic arm and then put the gloves over top. Nat insisted Clint wear gloves and he only did because she agreed to wear some too. He dug through the hoodies and found one that wasn’t bright purple. He was back in the kitchen, handing it to James within minutes. He moved fast when he wanted (or needed) to.

James looked bemused, but took the hoodie. It was dark purple, almost black, if not for the bright lights overhead.

Clint scrunched up his nose, poking at the sleeve of the hoodie. “Thumb holes. Sleeves won’t scrunch up.”

Now James just looked delighted. Awww, feelings, maybe? His brain was going a mile a minute, too fast to process. So, he didn’t even try. Not now. His brain would stop being so chaotic soon. He just had to wait it out. Clint never knew how long it would take. Ugh. Stupid brain.

“Well, try it on, James.” Nat was grinning, leaning on Clint lightly and helping to settle him a bit more. “We have spare gear and gloves too.”

James frowned. “I don’t have any combat boots though. Or tactical pants.”

Nat scoffed. “Yes, yes you do. Am I an idiot?”

“No.”

She huffed and marched off, nose in the air. Clint snickered, making sure his words were right. “Bet you she’s been shopping for you too.”

James grinned, a bright and happy grin Clint hadn’t seen before. He tried not to fidget as James tried the hoodie on over his tee shirt. It was a bit big, but that was because Clint was taller. Aww, feelings, yes. He blinked, trying to process why his brain chose this very minute to be all focused. Was it because James was wearing his hoodie and grinning? That hadn’t been why he’d done it. Really it wasn’t! 

“I may keep it,” James said teasingly. 

Clint blushed, blurting, “Okay.”

James’ look was one of pure delight and something else Clint couldn’t figure out. Before he could even try, Nat was back with a stack of clothes in her arms. She dumped them in James' arms. “Go change, James. Shoo, now. Go.”

Still grinning, James did as instructed. Once the bathroom door closed, Nat snickered, signing: ‘I like this look on you.’

‘What look?’ Clint couldn’t figure out his own brain, so how did Nat? 

‘It’s okay to like him, Clint.’

He blushed, ducking his head and biting his lip. ‘I didn’t say I liked him, Nat.’

Her eyebrows rose and she sighed. ‘I can see it. He likes you too, you know.’

‘We are friends?’

She looked unimpressed. ‘Just think on it. You know what sort of like I mean.’

The bathroom door opened and Clint wished he didn’t blush so fucking easily. Made him feel like an idiot. But, holy crap, James looked all sorts of amazing. He could only blink because words definitely were failing him right now.

—**—

James felt far more comfortable in the tactical pants and combat boots than he had in months. He stared at himself in the mirror for a long minute and then turned away. He had been slowly coming to terms with everything. It wasn’t a quick process or one he would be able to force. He knew that Steve didn’t quite understand, though bless him, he was trying. 

James was a soldier. A spy. An assassin. The last two hadn’t truly been his choice, though, technically speaking the sniper training he’d received back in the day could count towards the assassin thing. It was what he was good at. All he knew. Natalia had understood and he thought Clint might too. It was trying to find the words to explain to Steve that always tripped James up. Steve piled him with clothes, though thankfully not the grandpa clothes Steve preferred. Jeans, tee shirts, hoodies, sneakers … James liked the clothes. They just weren’t what he’d been used to for all those years - at least when he’d not been in cryo. 

He stepped back out, feeling better (more confident?) than he had in far too long. Clint was blushing and damn if that didn’t make him happy. The man was fucking adorable. He wouldn’t say that aloud and risk offending the blond, but that didn’t make it any less true. 

“So?”

Clint did that slow blink thing, blushing brighter red. 

Natalia just grinned. “Looking good. Now, sit so I can braid your hair. You don’t want it in your face, do you?”

James, still watching Clint be all adorable, settled in on the stool closest to him. Steve kept poking him to get a haircut and Tony had even offered to bring a barber in so he didn’t have to leave the Tower. He’d been resisting them though, not comfortable enough to have anyone that close. He thought he could handle Natalia at his back. Damn it, he knew he could trust her. She was a safe person. So he would do this. He tried, but failed, not to tense up.

“Want Clint to do it instead?” she offered, in that gentle tone he’d heard her use with Clint. It didn’t offend him though, not at all. It was nice, the non-judgmental care she was taking with him. 

He blushed, shrugging. “I trust you.”

She patted him on the shoulder. “I know. I taught Clint to braid my hair and it won’t hurt my feelings, James.”

James felt bad, because he did trust her. But, he really liked the idea of Clint touching him. A quick glance assured him that Clint looked okay with it. So he nodded. “Okay.”

She was out of the room and back, hair tie and brush in hand before he could even ask to make sure Clint was okay with it. He looked okay, but double checking was never a bad thing. Clint took the tie and the hair brush from her, smiling. Gently, Clint started brushing his hair and within minutes, James had decided that Clint brushing his hair was one of his new favorite things. He nearly protested when the brushing stopped. Before he could, Clint ran his hands through James’ hair with the utmost gentleness. Okay, maybe this was just as good as the brushing. He wondered if he could ask Clint to do this every single day. Maybe twice a day. 

“Done,” Clint announced a bit later, then added, “Not fancy though.”

James was feeling too comfortable and relaxed, he needed a moment to even try to respond. He knew he needed to or risk hurting Clint’s feelings. “I bet it’s great. I appreciate it.”

Natalia was smirking and he nearly rolled his eyes. 

Clint stepped around him, handing the brush back to Natalia. “Yours would have been better.”

She just looked smug. “You need more practice. Now you have two people to practice on.”

James realized, in that moment, that Natalia had been gently prodding the two of them towards one another for months now. Maybe she should have a hat to go with her gloves? Hell, at this rate, he’d knit her an entire wardrobe and it still wouldn’t be enough of a thank you. 

—**—

Clint was still laughing as he scrambled back up to his balcony. Of course, one race had led to two and so on. His arms were getting tired, but this had been exactly what he needed to snap completely back. He pulled himself over the railing, James landing barely a second later. They were tied. 

Frowning when Nat didn’t join them, he glanced over only to see Nat standing on her balcony. ‘You two do your tv show thing. I had fun.’

Trying (and failing) not to blush, he busied himself with collecting up his gear and putting it back in the bag. He reached out for Nat’s, only to find James had already done it. 

“I got it,” James said softly, crouching down to tuck his and Nat’s gear in the bag. “Did you have fun?”

Clint pulled off his gloves. “Yeah. You?”

“Yeah. It was nice to do something that wasn’t sitting around.” James blushed. “I just hate the worry it causes when I even mention working out or training.”

Clint bit his lip. If he could be comfortable with James in the common spaces and Nat’s space … maybe? But, he wouldn’t mention it yet. He had to see if he was comfortable with James in his apartment first. “Wanna go in? I have snacks.”

James’ nodded and grinned that bright, happy grin for the second time and Clint couldn’t untangle his words, so he tapped in the code and pushed the door open. He let James go first and was really happy when he didn’t tense up and his anxiety stayed quiet. James was in his space. It was okay. Clint stepped in and let the door lock behind him. 

“Not much.”

James eyed him, looking around the main area. “I like it. I take it the pink blanket is Natalia’s?” Before Clint could answer with more than a nod, James glanced up and chuckled. “Did you have to special order the purple hammock and silks?”

Clint grinned, taking the bag of gear from James. That answer was easy. “Nat.”

“That does explain it,” James quipped. “Want me to start coffee whilst you put the gear up?”

“Please.”

There was a knock at the door and Clint tensed, just for a moment, before dropping the bag in the spare room and going to see who it was. He looked out, from the wall screen by the door, but no one was there. Cracking open the door, his foot behind it to keep anyone from shoving their way in and then he laughed. The bakery box of cupcakes (okay what was left of them) was sitting on the little table in the space between the elevator and his door. Nat had insisted on it so things could be delivered but his space was not invaded. It was easy to reach out and grab the box and close the door, resetting the locks.

“She doesn’t miss a trick,” James said wryly once Clint carried the box back into the kitchen area and he saw what it was. He started the coffee and leant against the counter. “You okay with me being here?”

“Yes. Of course.” Clint pushed himself, his brain behaving for once. “You okay being here?”

James winked, grinning again. “Of fucking course. What do you want to watch?”

Clint got out snacks, James nodded when he held up popcorn and chips. As Clint made a tray of snacks, adding cupcakes to his haul, he thought it over. So far, James had let him pick. It gave him an idea. “You pick. Doesn’t have to be old cartoons.”

James grabbed mugs off the open shelves and pursed his lips as if considering while pouring them both coffees. “Okay, but if it will trigger you, say so. Okay?”

Clint grinned at the thoughtfulness. “If I think it will trigger you, I’ll say so too.”

They settled in on the big, comfy couch. Clint turned the tv on and handed over the remote. “Movie or tv show?”

James smiled sheepishly. “I found something. Cartoon, but not for kids. Not sure if you will like it though.”

Awww, feelings, yes. Clint shifted closer to James, trying to say without saying that he appreciated the concern. “I like movies where things explode and spies do stupid shit so I can yell at them and throw popcorn at the tv.”

Lips twitching, James navigated the main screen and clicked on the video channel option. He searched and then clicked on a cartoon that looked all happy and even said so in the name. “Don’t let the name fool you.”

Clint waited patiently while the video loaded. Two minutes in and he was laughing so hard. Ha! He was going to have to show this to Nat. It was macabre and morbid and he shouldn’t be laughing, but he so was. The episode was over in less than ten minutes. He pouted, still giggling madly. “More?”

“That was part one of the first episode. Each one has three parts. You’re okay with it?” James looked happy, yet concerned. 

Clint decided that having James in his space was more than okay. It made him all sorts of happy. “Awww, James, yes. Totally okay with it. It doesn’t bother you?”

“Nope! It’s all impossible and everyone is still alive and back in one piece at the end. Only to be creatively killed off again soon enough.”

Clint handed James a cupcake. “Have one before the next episode?”

James took the cupcake and grinned. “I also found out that most modern cartoons are weird. Why is that?”

Clint shrugged, swallowing his bite of cupcake. “Different generation? I mean, I grew up when the ones we watched before were popular, so I’m biased.” He made a decision, his brain working more like it did when he was around Nat or doing work/Avengers stuff. “Wanna sneak down to my training area once everyone is asleep?”

James looked all thoughtful. “Is that what you do before we have our tv marathons? Usually, I mean?”

“Yep.” He crinkled his nose, trying to put the words in the right way. “I’m good at that stuff. Not so much with people.”

James shifted, so he was fully facing Clint. “Is that why you banned everyone but Natalia?”

He was blushing, he could feel it. Damn it. His words sort of fell out of his mouth in a rush. “I’m not a super soldier, a god, or have a fancy suit. I train because I can’t ever miss. I wouldn’t be anyone special then. Not an Avenger. Back to being an assassin for hire and I don’t want to be that anymore.”

James reached out, slowly as if checking that it was okay. Clint allowed it, happily so. James’ hand on his was comforting. Some other feeling too, but Clint couldn’t name it, not right now. 

“I think you don’t see yourself clearly, Clint Barton. You were picked, before most anyone else, to be an Avenger. You don’t miss no matter what weapon you use. You fight with -,” he paused, shaking his head, “fight as well as those super soldiers, god, and the guys with the fancy suits.”

Clint blinked, not only at James' acknowledgement of Nat’s truth, but how damn certain James was about him. His abilities. His right to be here, to be an Avenger. The weight of James’ belief settled in and Clint somehow felt better than he had in a long, long time. So he smiled. “Only Nat. Believed in me. My abilities before.”

“They all do,” James said in a firm tone. “I watched the last battle you all had. They rely on you to be part of the team. To make those impossible shots and cover them. To call out attack plans.”

His brow furrowed. “If you say so.”

“I do. I’m right.” James looked as if he would argue the point if Clint didn’t agree.

He snickered. “Nat says that too.”

James’ eyebrows shot up. “And is Natalia wrong often?”

His eyes widened. “Yeah, no. According to Nat, she’s never wrong and she likes to convince people she knows everything.”

James grinned. “She bribes for information.”

Clint nodded. “Uh huh, but don’t tell. No one else has figured it out.”

James laughed and laughed, finally calming himself. “Want to show me your training area and then we can watch tv? Keep your routine?”

James’ hand was still on him and Clint really didn’t want to change that. But, if they went to his training area, maybe, just maybe they could come back here? No one would get grumpy or worried if they fell asleep here. “Tv here?”

James’ eyes lit with happiness. “Yeah. That would be awesome.”

“Okay, lets go.”

“After, what do you say we try that idea on your list about bungee jumping off the party deck?”

Clint grinned mischievously. He and Nat had shared their list of mischief and other fun stuff during their rappelling contest. He’d know James would want to play too. “We are gonna cause so much mayhem.”

James just nodded, laughing too hard to reply.

—**—

(Six months later)

James stepped out of their closet, tugging on one of Clint’s light purple hoodies, this one with a bullseye on it. It had been a gift from Natalia when he and Clint finally started dating. Clint had grinned, laughing and muttering about ‘do good things, get gifts’. Of course, his gift had been a basket of all sorts of knitting supplies, but tucked down inside was a packet of documents to cement his new identity as James Romanoff. 

They’d both spoiled her rotten for at least a week and then James had promptly laid claim to the hoodie. Not only did he like wearing Clint’s hoodies, he liked the look Clint got in his eyes at the sight of James’ wearing them. His guy was adorable and amazing and awesome. Which James made sure to tell Clint every single day. 

Clint looked up from the box of pastries on the kitchen counter, and grinned. “Looks good on you.”

James grinned and tugged Clint against his chest. “You say that every time.”

“I mean it every time too. I love you.”

It was still new, Clint saying the words aloud. James had known though, that day when Clint had taken his hand as they snuck through the Tower to his archery range and training area that first time. His breath caught and he tightened his hold, not to hurt but a silent reassurance that he knew what a special gift Clint’s love was. “I love you too.”

“You ready for this?”

James chuckled, hearing the teasing tone. “My first full day as an Avenger? Why wouldn’t I be, when I’ve got you by my side? Or Steve finally noticing?”

“Hmf. Still say Steve needs his eyes checked. We’re a team, of course I’ll be by your side.”

He outright laughed now at the comment about Steve. They’d taken a vacation, getting married on a pretty mountainside, keeping it totally a secret until it was all over. The only reason Natalia had forgiven them was because she’d won her bet with Bruce over it. Of course, considering all the mayhem they (sometimes with Natalia and sometimes with Bruce’s help) caused around the Tower, most everyone had been all too happy to have a break from their antics. But, they’d been back two weeks and Steve still hadn’t noticed their rings. “He’ll notice soon enough.”

“Not until next week,” Clint muttered grumpily. 

James laughed even harder. He should have known he wasn’t the only one that had placed a bet in Natalia’s Tower-wide betting pool. He shooed his husband out, so fucking happy with his life. There was absolutely nothing that could dim his happiness today. Or tomorrow. Or any future day so long as Clint was by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> The British really did use knitting as therapy for the Allied troops sent to the UK for battle shock/combat fatigue during WW2. Many troops were sent home with a new skill. ;)


End file.
